OBIT

Satire (c. 420 BCE - 2025 CE) died yesterday of natural causes, which is to say it simply could not compete. No foul play is suspected, though the circumstances remain difficult to explain.

Born in ancient Athens to parents Mockery and Civic Duty, Satire enjoyed a long and productive life puncturing the powerful, deflating the pompous, and making tyranny look ridiculous. For millennia, Satire served as society’s pressure valve, transforming outrage into laughter and despair into knowing winks.

Satire is survived by its weaker cousin, Sarcasm, who is not expected to last the week.

The deceased had been in declining health since reality began outpacing imagination. Doctors cited chronic irrelevance brought on by a condition they termed “satirical collapse” - a phenomenon wherein the subject and the parody become indistinguishable.

“We did everything we could,” said one attending physician. “We tried exaggeration. We tried understatement. We even tried just reporting what happened verbatim. Nothing worked. The patient kept insisting it was supposed to be funny, but no one could tell anymore.”

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you simply witness what is happening and sit with the feeling. Memorial services will not be held, as gathering to commemorate the absurd now feels redundant.

Satire’s final words were reportedly: “I’m not joking.”

No one laughed.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​